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 Articles
The Way of the Wounded WomanOne woman’s tale of taking back control.How now in the age of Aquarius, our pre-enlightenment phase does it appear possible for the planet to be so overpopulated with lost, lonely and weary souls, all seeking momentary respite in any fleeting pleasure, a forbidden nights passion, a euphoric stupor or drunken haze? Escape into the arms of another to establish and prove our worth. But what ‘other’ do we seek and what ‘other’ do we ultimately find? Sadly, the ‘other’ often leads us on the path deeper into our wounds. Deeper than we ever thought imaginable and far deeper than has ever been desirable! Even for the most sadistic amongst us, this path is agonising and heartbreaking. I write as a woman wounded, a woman rejected and a woman who has been so heartbroken that her own soul screamed from its depths, ”No more!” I write as the woman of all ages, all classes and colours. I write as the one so traumatised who sought help and freedom from pain...emotional pain. Wounds can heal. Emotional wounds can heal. That ever present gunk in our minds that repeatedly tells us that we are ‘unworthy’ or ‘unlovable’ can be challenged and erased. HOW!...was what I wanted to know? Understanding that each person in my life in relationship served only as a mirror did not help me to STOP bringing in more reflections of me. After all, I was the wounded one, desperate to be loved. As if I wanted to be in relationship with a man who would ‘mirror’ all my gaping pus filled wounds. I wanted and desired the love of the movies, the adoring, attentive handsome gent who lived to fulfil my every pleasure. OK, so I was way out there with my request- it still never came anywhere near the deceitful, dishonest and disloyal man who betrayed me in every sense possible. Now to be fair that is highlighting his bad points. He was also playful, hardworking and dare I say it...’sensitive’ or so I thought! And that’s the bottom line...’I thought’. I ‘thought’ he was loving, dependable, honest, caring and committed. What a farce that turned out to be! I discovered the ‘love of my life’ had throughout our entire relationship (of 10 months) also seen another woman and basically just played one against the other until I chose to no longer ‘play’. My confusion lay in how could I, a woman who prides herself on her honesty and integrity, select as a mate a person who couldn’t even lie straight in bed? All my ‘thoughts’ on what this man was were completely unfounded, yet I had persisted in seeking his love and approval. I needed to be validated from a liar and a cheat. It would almost be amusing if it weren’t my life and a true story. How could I, who shared with others how to attain success and happiness, be so screwed up? How could I consciously and deliberately still want this man who had not even come close to honouring or valuing me or the relationship in the manner that I believed I deserved? This man who had used my kindness and generosity with reckless abandon and treated me in the end with no more care than one gives to a disposable wrapper. So began a desperate search in my ‘head’ for understanding and meaning. The first thing that I discovered was that I was looking for relationship in the wrong place, it didn’t exist in my head, it existed in my heart! My heart – now that was a closed story. My heart did not trust in love. My heart believed “love hurts”. It became so glaringly obvious as to why I drew in a man who ‘proved’ to me that you can’t trust yourself or another in love and that love is painful. He was my perfect mirror on an emotional level. He revealed ‘me’. All my thoughts of him in the relationship just identified my fears bottled up as toxic poison in my closed heart. This is the disease of the mind that inflicts these wounds on the heart. At a young age we learn to retaliate and not accept any further wounds. If we weren’t able to retaliate our next defence was submission under protest, ‘I’ll take these wounds but you won’t see that you’ve hurt me’ mentality. And so our heart hardens and closes over these festering wounds leaving us tender and sensitive to further attack. Leaving us to keep drawing in the same ‘painful people’ and heartbreaking experiences and maintaining the same defence of ‘I won’t let you see that you’ve hurt me’ until we get the lesson and can expel that tainted seed of unworthiness. Now my next exploration into my heart was to understand what is so terrifying about you (the other) knowing that you’ve hurt me? After that came the realisation, of course he knew he hurt me...it was me that was in denial. It was me, saying,” I’m Ok”, it was me putting the smile on my face but deep in my eyes a whole other story was being relayed. A story of sadness, and no bloody wonder I was sad, I didn’t love me! I took better care of my partner, the dog, the cats, friends, etc than I did myself. Somehow I felt that I didn’t have a right to go through my pain or to be in need. After all, I had always been the strong one. I had been every one else’s support. How could I have so little regard and value for myself? The truth dawned on me with shocking clarity. I am my relationship with me. Until I could find ways to love me truly, with no external approval needed, I would again be a willing and unknowing victim to the next deceitful charmer who crossed my path. I had betrayed myself and sold myself to the lowest bidder. I was reaping the harvest of my ‘own’ tainted seed of personal betrayal. At 37, a divorcee with a couple of other serious (in my mind) relationships under my belt, I determined ‘enough’. If I was never to have another relationship again, so be it but I vowed that I was going to have a bloody good one with myself. The time to dedicate to knowing and loving myself was NOW- the task was the same as before...How? Because I had been such a ‘head’ and ‘hands’ person, learning to listen to my heart posed immediate challenges. ‘Head’ was busy coming up with plans, intellectual ideas that sounded good in theory whilst my ‘hands’ were desperate to take some action now, something to DO, aside from murder the selfish prick My heart was not engaged, it was the intrepid traveller. Wary, unsure if it really had a voice, unsure if it spoke would it actually be heard. And so came my lessons in trust and patience to heal all wounds. So began my journey, a collective journey that has not differed through the ages, the way of the wounded woman. A journey to unearth my tainted seeds that served to teach me about me, all of me, body, mind and soul. A journey to know me. A journey to love me as I am.
FOOTNOTE;
On this journey came my introduction to love, true love, heartfelt, passionate and all encompassing.
Your journey begins with your awakening to your world within the world...
If ye would have love
You have a contractual obligation to your soul...To know Thyself; You are LOVE. Rosemary Pekar
A Mind for Business!What do all successful business people, entrepreneurs and sales people have that those who aren’t successful don’t? Is it that they have more intelligence, talent or good looks? Is it that they have more time, more money or great contacts? Is it that they are just lucky? Make no mistake, what distinguishes those who succeed from their counterparts is their unfailing belief in their ability to do until! They have a spirit that empowers their belief and drives them to achieve. Inspiring individuals such as Ghandi remind us that all true power comes from within and stems from a belief. After all, Ghandi had no home, money or soldiers, he didn’t even possess a suit, yet he was able to transplant his faith into the minds of 200 million people. He was able to use what he had until he succeeded in his objective. Definiteness of purpose is a necessity for achievement. We can all focus on our perceived handicaps and listen to others list their misgivings for our ventures and rely on these excuses to justify our lack of success. There is no challenge in doing this, it only ensures that we do lack success and proves that we were ‘right’ all along. In the immortal words of Henry Ford, ‘If you think you can or think you can’t, either way you will be right.’ Don’t allow perceived disadvantages or imperfections to delay your success. Catch the spirit of past pioneers, after all Rembrandt himself was nearsighted. Beethoven was a deaf musician and Helen Keller became deaf, dumb and blind shortly after birth yet adhered to the philosophy that ‘life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.’ These people in common with other successful people weren’t ‘advantaged’ but capable of anything once they put their mind to it. They kept their focus on their goals. Desire is a potent force to drive us to create, yet how many people know what they do actually want? Most of us can make lengthy detailed and specific lists of all that we don’t want yet have trouble doing the same for what we do want. All successful people know exactly what they do want! ‘You’ve got to name it to claim it’ works for both what you want and what you don’t. It’s a mind law that does not discriminate so choose what you are for and focus your energies there. Keep your eyes and thoughts focused on your target, your goals and dreams. What you discuss habitually is what you will see evidenced in your reality. Your circumstances will reveal your habitual mindset- it will prove you right! Hopefully your everyday language reflects your belief in a prosperous and expanding business, if not- change your thoughts. Yes, ‘change your thoughts, change your world.’ Yes, your thoughts create your reality. That’s good news, the power for success lies within your own hands. The most phenomenal, powerful and astounding asset that you can envision possessing...you already own. It’s available 24/7 at your fingertips. It can be an ally in this adventure of your life or left operating by default can wreak havoc and sabotage our best-laid plans. No-one would enter into a business planning to fail. Yet how many omit to plan to succeed utilising the benefits of the brain. Create the blueprint in mind first of that you wish to see realized. The thought comes before the action. All successful people, be it elite sportspersons, corporate executives or business people consciously and deliberately choose the thoughts that support the belief that they desire to see manifest. Some employ Neuro linguistic Programming (NLP) and Creative Visualisation as techniques of modelling patterns of excellence to create the state of mind of belief. What one can do- we too can do! An accumulation of repeated thoughts creates a belief. Your beliefs will be seen alive and obvious in your everyday reality. Two people can experience the exact same event yet walk away with opposing perceptions exposing their beliefs. During the terrorist attack of September 11 in New York a terrified and dazed citizen spoke to a news reporter and stated, “this is not my war. Keep your war over there!” another equally distraught man was interviewed and pleaded, “we have got to find a way of getting along that’s better than this.” In the midst of such tragedy one view was powerless, that of a victim. The other view was powerful, acknowledging what had happened with a shift from focusing on the problem to seeking a solution. Most business’ have resulted as a solution to yesterday’s problems, affectionately termed the ‘oops evolution’ to success. Successful people and business’ keep their focus on the solutions, whilst developing the ability to use what they have until they get the results they desire. Desire and belief are required to create reality. You have the power to choose what reality that will be. You will get the results of your actions not your intentions. So put into practice the repeated thoughts that keep you focused on your dream and maintain your belief in your ability to attain your desire. Don’t let fear divert you from your path of achievement. Keep your mind searching for evidence of your success. Remember, whatever you look for you’ll find. You only have room for one kind of belief- if you have thoughts of lack then there is no room for prosperity. Make room for what you want by focusing on it, keep your mind busy with all the ways you can win. Remember every past event that you beat the odds and back it up with evidence from other people’s lives of how they overcame obstacles. Give your mind the reference points it needs to believe that you can achieve anything that you set your mind to and then help it prove you right by backing up your words with the corresponding actions. Think doubt and fail, think victory and succeed. Your thoughts, your choice.
I know what I’m thinking... do you? Rosemary Pekar
The Art of Powerful Thinking.
What does creating a successful life entail?
Attitude is a state of mind and operates within the parameters of what I’ll term ‘Laws of Mind’. Attitude is often described as that ‘little’ thing that makes a big difference. All actions are preceded by our thoughts. If our thoughts are inhibited, fearful and limited this thinking translates across to create those very states and conditions of fear and limitation in our reality. The major focus of all business’ has been financial. After all, we are in business to make money, however successful business’ aren’t limited to creating just money – they are investing in futures. Their own future livelihoods and those of their staff, future goodwill, future products and future personal and professional development. A powerful holistic attitude is now permeating the workplace meaning that at the end of the day we want more from our careers than just a pay cheque. We want inclusion, personal responsibility and personal pride. Funnily enough business becomes personal therefore successful business is about successful people. For many in the workplace this new attitude of creating successful people is empowering. Powerful thinking embraces personal power and maintains a supportive environment of ‘what one can do – you too can do!’ Think of our successful athletes, they create a success mind and empowering attitude of ‘I can’ through persisting in tackling their challenges head on, with full support in training, techniques and most importantly how to use their mind to gain that ‘edge’. Attitude is the edge and being a state of mind is created by deliberate intention. We’ve all heard of people with positive attitudes who seem to always see the sunnier side of life. They experience greater benefits than just being pleasant to be around. Biology now endorses their attitude in creating and maintaining healthier physical states as a result. Are you aware that 20 minutes exposure to what makes you feel good automatically doubles your T cells otherwise known as your immunity. Conversely, 20 minutes exposure to what makes you feel sad, depressed or stressed automatically halves your immunity. Toxins in the mind manifest as dis-ease in the body. Attitude is a powerful director of destiny. Just like being a little bit pregnant – you can’t be a little bit negative, you either are or your not! Success is about self mastery and faith is its by product. Challenging an attitude of defeat, anger and loss requires conscious effort. Things don’t just happen, they are created consciously or unconsciously. Your future success’ won’t just happen no matter how much you wish for changes. We can look to our achievements or current circumstances and we will see the effects of our past attitudes and beliefs. Are the results you presently have, what you want? If you keep on doing what you’ve always been doing then you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always been getting. However the past is not a predictor of the future, unless of course if nothing changes. My own unwillingness to change was identified by the ultimate copout word, ‘But’. Whenever I gave the word validation, I found that I was always striving with great difficulty to be and to get what ever I perceived that I did not already possess. After a challenging and interesting childhood I determined that I would rule my world. I felt that I’d been controlled, manipulated and at the mercy of circumstances for long enough. Talk about sitting pretty on the pity pot! After 16 years in male dominated fields including being a Policewoman, Private Investigator and Security Specialist Trainer, I developed a kick ‘But’ mentality. Interestingly it empowered me to move from survivor to thriver and today as an independent business woman I am a passionate believer in the powerful use of a positive mind and in doing Until! Now that’s attitude- Time to Kick ‘BUT’ attitude. Life is a creative thinking process whereby if you don’t like the results that you currently have, you always have the power to make changes. Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you have had the red shoes – the power all along, you just need to learn to consciously and deliberately activate it to work for you. Create a success mind! Every small consistent action accumulates over time to an obvious end result. Recall every time you excelled or did better than you anticipated. Remind yourself of all the times that you feared the worst but experienced a better result than expected. Think on the best and expect nothing less. Get used to thinking on how easily you draw to yourself all that you need to succeed. No matter what form or shape that success takes. Make your attitude of success consistent and all encompassing. You can’t think good for you and bad for others and expect your brain to differentiate – it won’t. So think only on all those conditions that you’d like to see realised and evident in your reality. ‘Remember happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think.’ Dale Carnegie Don’t let your perceived handicaps hold you back or limit you. Remember that what other people think of you is none of your business however what you think of you will determine your success in life.
Set the stage for your success. The law of mind to follow is Rosemary Pekar
At What Price – Success?If success has cost you love, health or happiness, then your definition of success differs drastically to mine. The pursuit of fame and fortune may leave you disillusioned as you chase the dream, forgoing the substance of real pleasure for the shadow of transitory glory.
What inconsistencies of values and ethics are battled daily as you justify their sacrifice as a necessary evil on your path to attainment and success?
Are you the friend you would wish your friends to be? At what price – success? Will it be a heart attack, a divorce, suicide bid? My price for success will cost a smile, yours and mine, in place of a tear! Lightness of being is the currency I use to pay the price of lasting success. Unburdened by fear, revenge or hate and not shackled by rage, greed or lust. I am free. Success is founded on compassion, generosity of spirit, honest determination and unconditional love.
What ingredients have you chosen to throw into your mixing bowl of life? What are you cooking up for you? You will get the return on your investments, your actions not your intentions. You can intend good health but your intentions mean nothing to heart disease, diabetes or cancer without the relevant actions. Rosemary Pekar
The Jobseekers Guide to the Galaxy!To Fast track your success as a jobseeker is a straightforward process. You are the only one to ensure the end result, irrespective as to whether it is the result you want or that other one: the one you don’t want. To maximise ‘creating’ opportunities is as easy as ABC, so we have listed some helpful tips alphabetically to get you started. A- Attitude is the all essential ingredient for any success, be it seeking, starting or maintaining employment. It’s the little thing that makes a big difference. Develop a ‘can do, will do’ one! B- Belief will prove you right. Believe that you are the best investment that you are ever going to get in your life. No-one will believe in you and your abilities until you do. Believe that you are the best person for the job and support that belief by knowing what you have to offer- YOU! C- Commit to getting the results you want. Commit to doing the job to the best of your ability. Commit to continual improvement. Commitment will ensure that you concentrate your efforts and maintain your focus on your desired outcome. Commit to your success. D- Do it! Get out there. Don’t talk- walk: put in those steps to ensure your success. E- Enthusiasm will speed your success. Get excited about the job you want. Find ways to make the job you currently have more pleasant. A good reference will enhance future job prospects. Enthusiasm gives you the ‘get up and go’ to get up and ‘get’. F- Failure is a mindset not a permanent state of being. Success is often one step past failure so don’t give up- otherwise you’ll never know! G- Gratitude is the attitude. The givers are the getters in this world- so give of yourself generously, it will prove contagious. Who wants ‘whiners’ around? H- Help yourself and others. Utilise free time to assist charities or other organisations in need. You never know who you’ll meet that in turn will more than likely help you. (This was also how I first got employed) It also increases your skills, experience, networks and employability factor not to mention boosting your own self esteem. I- Initiative, use it! New ideas create new job opportunities, most of today’s business’ have stemmed from a solution to yesterday’s problems. Get thinking on what you have to offer and offer... J- Jobs. In today’s ever changing work environment we are faced with uncertain future’s. Today’s jobs can easily be gone tomorrow. This fear can be faced and replaced with the unshakeable knowledge that YOU are an asset and adaptable to change. All business is people and Good business is Good people. ‘Good’ being those that know their worth and value is not determined by the position that they hold, but more importantly by the person that they are. As Dexter Yager a successful businessman and millionaire many times over states, “All I know at the top, I learnt at the bottom.” Ready or not, get started. If it is to be, it is up to me and it starts NOW!
Rosemary Pekar
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